An open letter to caregivers caring for loved ones suffering from dementia:
There are no words that can change your situation. Maybe no words that can bring you comfort and strength in this very trying situation.
You’re drained, so much energy given in the hope-filled battle against a malady that is relenting and unyielding. I am not in that situation, but I am trying to understand what it would be like to be there. You must be exhausted, daily attendance with your loved one, hoping things might improve just a little, for a few moments, just a brief light of momentary recovery. But that moment never comes.
What can you do? Where can you find the energy? How do you keep going on?
I wish I had the answers that would improve things for you, just a little. I don’t have them. The only words I have may sound clichéd and mundane, but they are said with sincerity and honesty. You have to go on, giving care as if….as if you could make a difference. You actually are making a difference. Not only that, but you’re giving your loved one loving care, respectful care, care with dignity, the kind of care every loved one should get and deserves.
Be there. Bring music, Bring books to read to the loved one. Touch them. Hold their hand. Talk to them. Reminisce for them. Talk about happy times, family times, times of joy and love. There may be no overt reaction to all this, but the love you are showing is reaching them. They may not be able to react, but their heart, their soul will. They will hear your words. Furthermore, they will react, though you won’t see any overt reaction. Believe it. Believe it is reaching them, and they feel it, soothing their soul, comforting their heart. They hear you. They feel the love.
Do it every day for as long as you feel your strength is there, but save some strength for tomorrow because tomorrow you will have to do it again. So you need to care for yourself too. Save some strength, save some energy because your loved one feels your love when you bring the caring that you do when you give the care you are giving.
And pray. Even if you are a non-believer, just pray to a higher power to give you a little more energy today, just a bit more strength which you can use in your caring work.
You are making a difference. Your loved one has someone there, caring and loving and remembering for them. Your loved one has love being given to them, and that brings them strength and energy along with the feeling they have not been abandoned. They have not, not while you are breathing, living and caring.
I pray for more strength for you and hope you find the energy and drive you need each day as you bring love and comfort to someone who needs it so much now.
Richard
