- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- No one expects you to run–anywhere.
- People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won’t wear out.
- You can eat supper at 5 PM.
- You can live without sex but not your glasses.
- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
- You sing along with elevator music because you know the words.
- Your eyes won’t get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
- You can’t remember how you got to this list.
And remember,…Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
